Words people use for polyamory and polycules, explained plainly. Words mean different things to different people, so if someone uses one, it's always fine to ask what they mean by it.
A deep emotional closeness that isn't quite romantic and isn't quite friendship. It's close in meaning to queerplatonic, and some people use it because it doesn't come from queer community language.
Whether alterous and queerplatonic mean the same thing is still talked about, and so is who each word is for. If someone uses one, it's worth asking what it means to them.
Someone you're close to in a way you've chosen not to label: more than a friend, maybe, but not quite a partner.
A partner you share a lot of your life with, such as a home, money, children or long-term plans. Some people prefer it to primary because it describes the commitment without ranking anyone.
Someone who comes back into your life now and then, often after long gaps, and it feels like no time has passed. You might not be in touch in between.
The warm, happy feeling of seeing a partner enjoy another relationship. It isn't only a polyamory thing, and it comes in degrees: some people feel it often, some rarely, and both are fine.
The advantages an established couple has, often without noticing, over a partner who joins later: in how time is shared, whose plans come first, or how the world treats them.
Choosing to stop living with a partner while staying together. It's a change in how a relationship is shaped, not a step back.
An agreement where partners can have other relationships but don't share the details with each other.
Some people find it works well for them. Others avoid it because it can leave a metamour unacknowledged, or make honest talk harder later.
How much your life is woven together with someone else's: a home, money, children, pets, calendars. Some people also call it entwinement. Any amount can be right for a relationship.
An umbrella term for relationships where people can have more than one romantic or sexual partner, with everyone knowing and agreeing. It includes polyamory, open relationships and more. Consensual non-monogamy (CNM) means the same.
Agreeing with a partner to have sex without barriers such as condoms. A safer-sex circle is the group of people who've agreed to share that kind of contact.
Some people avoid the word bonding here, because it can suggest that sex without barriers means a closer relationship, which can feed possessiveness. Barrier-free is a plainer way to say it.
A friendship that includes sex, without being a romantic relationship.
A network where metamours are friendly when they meet, at a birthday or a party, but don't seek each other out otherwise. Some people call it birthday-party polyamory. It sits between kitchen-table and parallel polyamory.
Three or more people who see themselves as married to each other, whether or not the law recognizes it. Spouses who share a spouse are sometimes called co-spouses.
In hierarchical polyamory, some partners have more say or priority by agreement, often an established couple. In non-hierarchical polyamory, no partner outranks another by default, though some may still share more of their lives.
Hierarchy can be a sore point, because it can decide things for partners who weren't part of the agreement. Some people separate hierarchy that describes how life works, like a shared home taking time, from hierarchy set as rules. Some also point out that a relationship can be described as non-hierarchical while still working in a hierarchical way.
The person in the middle of a V, connected to two partners who aren't partners with each other. Also called a pivot.
A network where everyone is comfortable enough to sit around the same kitchen table: metamours know each other and often spend time together.
Someone you've committed to sharing your life with in the long term, whether or not you're married, and whether or not the relationship is romantic.
Committed partners who choose to keep separate homes.
A relationship with someone who lives far enough away that you can't see each other often.
Your partner's partner, when they aren't your partner too. On a map, metamours don't get a line of their own: you can see them through the partner they share. Some people say OSO (other significant other) or lover-in-law instead.
A relationship between someone who's monogamous and someone who's polyamorous.
Mostly monogamous, with some agreed exceptions, usually sexual ones.
Two couples linked by one connection: one person from each couple is also partners with the other. Drawn out, it looks like the letter N.
A partner you live with or share a home base with. It's one of the built-in connection types on this site.
The giddy, can't-stop-thinking-about-them rush at the start of a relationship. Its calmer counterpart, old relationship energy (ORE), is the steady comfort of a long one.
A rule, usually set by a man for a woman partner, that her other partners can't be men.
Many people see it as unfair, because it treats some partners as threats and others as less real. It's included here so you know the term when you meet it.
A relationship where the partners agree they can have other sexual or romantic connections. A closed relationship is one where they've agreed not to. People use both words in many different ways, so it helps to ask.
A network where relationships run side by side, and metamours have little or no contact with each other.
Someone you're in a relationship with. On this site, Partner is the built-in type for someone you're together with romantically and usually sexually.
Close and caring, without romance or sex. On this site, Platonic or QPR is the built-in type for deep, committed connections that aren't romantic, or aren't only romantic.
Someone you have sex or kink play with, without a romantic relationship. Play often means kink or BDSM.
More than one person sharing one body. People in a system may each have their own name, pronouns and relationships. On a map, a soft outline groups the members of a system.
A short form of polyamory or polyamorous.
Poly is also short for Polynesian, and some Polynesian and Pacific Islander people ask that it not be used for polyamory. Some people write polyam instead.
Having, or being open to, more than one loving relationship at a time, with everyone involved knowing and agreeing. Many people see it as a way of doing relationships rather than a number of partners, so you can be polyamorous with one partner or none.
A network of people connected through their relationships. The word blends polyamory and molecule. Read more about what a polycule is.
A polyamorous group that sees itself as a family, whether or not they live together. Some people say chosen family.
A group of more than two people who are partners with each other and have agreed not to start relationships outside the group.
Having as many relationships as you have time and energy for right now, so you're not looking for more.
Labels in hierarchical polyamory. A primary partner gets the most priority in someone's life, often a spouse or nesting partner. A secondary gets less, by agreement. Tertiary sometimes means a more casual connection.
Many people avoid these words because they rank people, and being called secondary can hurt. Some use anchor partner to describe commitment without ranking.
Four people in a polyamorous network, often two couples where each person also dates someone from the other couple. Some people use it for any four who are involved with each other.
A committed, deeply close relationship that isn't romantic, or isn't romantic in the usual way. It often comes from aromantic and asexual communities. On this site, Platonic or QPR is a built-in connection type.
An approach where each relationship is shaped by the people in it, rather than by rules about what friends, partners or lovers should be. Nothing is ranked by default.
The usual expected path of a relationship: dating, becoming exclusive, moving in, marrying, having children. It's one path among many. Some polyamorous people follow it, some step off, and some ride only part of the way.
A connection that's more than a friendship but hasn't been defined as a relationship, often on purpose.
Having relationships while living as your own primary partner: often without a nesting partner or plans to merge your life with anyone's.
An affectionate word for a partner, often used for any romantic connection without putting a label on it.
Your metamour's partner: someone three steps away from you in a polycule.
Three people in an ongoing relationship together. Some mean three who are all partners with each other, also called a throuple (a word often used in the media) or a delta. Others use it for any group of three, including a V.
A person, usually a bisexual woman, who joins an existing couple as a partner to both. Unicorn hunting means a couple looking for one.
The terms are often used critically: unicorn hunting can expect one person to fit a couple's rules and feelings, with little say of their own. Some people who date couples happily call themselves unicorns; others ask for equal footing instead.
One person with two partners who aren't partners with each other. The person in the middle is the hinge.
An agreement that lets one partner ask another to end, or limit, a different relationship.
Vetoes are contested, because the person whose relationship is ended usually had no say in the agreement. Some people keep one as a last resort, many choose not to have them at all.
Written in our own words, drawing on the Multiamory podcast, More Than Two (second edition, by Eve Rickert and Andrea Zanin) and the r/polyamory wiki.